Dear November...

November in New York has been very finicky in terms of weather. There have been a few windy, cold days that required some extra layers, but many of the days have been mild and easy to endure. Today (and supposedly tomorrow) it rained all day, but it was hardly cold. 

It's been a very strange month for me, so I'm looking to December with some trepidation. In addition to ongoing therapy, I got a tooth removed, school has been trying to murder me, my job has also been trying to murder me, and my parents visited last weekend! They didn't stay but that weekend, as New York can be quite expensive and they have their own bills to pay, but it was a whirlwind of fun. I took them to a few touristy spots such as the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building, we saw The Rockettes, and watched a hockey game featuring my mom's favorite team (Pittsburgh Penguins, in case you were wondering). It was extremely fun, punctuated with great food and nice people. 

In addition to all of that, I've just been feeling quite lost. What's new? I'm so unsure of what to do with my future, and any tentative plans I have I'm afraid to confide in anyone. There are a few things I dream of and desire, but I don't think those dreams are attainable any time soon. Perhaps, by the time they would even be considerable, I may even grow out of them. Who knows? 

But this feeling of listlessness and loss has been very overwhelming and emptying for me. I've not been feeling much like myself, sadly. I'm not sure how to break out of that. I hope December will provide some answers for me,

7.14.16

(photo by me)

"Now roll your tongue in honey till your cheeks are

Swarming honeycombs- your world needs sweetening, child."

-Wole Soyinka, "Dedication"

I am terrible about keeping up with this blog! As soon as I got back to New York I started a new job that's been sapping my energy. I only work part-time but for some reason it just drains me for the rest of the day and I barely get anything done, which is unfortunate because there is a lot I want to do! But it's been making my mental illness flare up pretty horribly so everything I want to do just becomes a big pile of mush in my brain. 

I'd also say this blog is quickly becoming more of a personal diary than anything beauty related, but I don't mind all that much. I'm still very much into beauty, but I just haven't found the correct creative approach I want to take for it yet. Every entry I attempt to make about something beauty related feels so forced and contrived, like you could read that anywhere. I just don't know where I want to go with it. But diary entries are easy, and I like filling my spaces with beautiful and calming things. Honestly I think I'd like to move into more fashion than beauty, but I still have issues with my face so I'm coming to terms with if I want to do that or not. I just love seeing the creative outfits people can put together and want to join in on that fun! 

Also, the picture is from Central Park! I found a gorgeous little pond surrounded by trees and thick grass and honestly just from this picture, you can't even tell it's in the center of Manhattan. It's so beautiful! I want to go back and just sit and relax here. But I was on a Pokemon Go mission, so I couldn't stay long ): I did catch a few good pokemon though!!

Hope your days have been well, and see you again soon~

New Journal!

  

I bought a new journal last week! It's absolutely beautiful. The minute I saw it I knew I had to have it. My old moleskine is almost out of pages, and I have another journal that I keep for strictly writing/diary entries. I needed a knew one to use for both writing, sketches, and pictures and this was the winner. It's from the brand Fawnsberg, but looking at their website, it doesn't seem that they list their journals. I just happened upon this in a local bookstore and fell in love!

I also recently picked up a gardening magazine to cut out from, so I have a gigantic pile of flower pictures to eventually paste into this thing. I'm pacing myself for now - I have so much pent up journaling energy that if I'm not careful, I'll use up this entire journal in a week! 

I've been following a lot of art journal instagrams lately to really get inspired to do these again. I really missed it. There's just something so satisfying about it! And then being able to go back to your old journals in the future and see everything you did and get nostalgic - it's one of my favorite feelings. 

I've also been going a little stationery crazy since getting back into journaling. I can't stop drooling over fancy pens and washi tape, I honestly need someone to take my wallet from me. Expect more of these from me in the future, they're so fun to do and even more fun to share! 

Kitty Kitty

I've been visiting my parents in Georgia this past week (still got a week left with them! good times) and on Friday my sister-in-law and I went to a "Cats in Bow-ties" exhibit. Let me just say it was adorable and I was very happy.

Her friend from college was the photographer for the event, and she had photographed all the kitties from a local, no-kill, all-volunteer shelter. They each wore a special bow-tie and had little tags on their pictures that said whether they were adopted already or not. There were over 100 pictures, but luckily quite a few of the pictures had "adopted" underneath them! Lucky kitties. I hope the rest find good homes very soon. There were more than a few kitties I wanted to take home with me, but alas, I could not...I already live with two anyway. I'm just greedy!

(ignore my sweaty face - it was hot!)

I really should take pictures of things I do more often, but I have a horrible habit of not doing it. I suppose "living in the moment" isn't so bad, but I tend to have a wispy memory and pictures really help me capture what I loved about those days. Plus, I'd have more to blog about ;)

I hope everyone had a good weekend!

Spring, She Comes

Wow, it's been a while! I fear I've neglected this little space as of late...I'm terribly sorry about that. Life and mental health got in the way, as it always does. I switched jobs a few months ago and adjusting was...a little hard for me. I've been more stressed lately, what with also going to school, and I haven't even been able to find much time for myself or collect beautiful thoughts for this place. 

But I'm back, hopefully for a regular amount of time again! Spring has arrived at last in New York, and I remembered why it's my favorite season. The breath of fresh life, green budding trees and new flowers giving color back to this tired old city...its really refreshed me. I'm feeling better than I have in months. There are still plenty of negative little things nibbling at my brain but I'm not going to give them any focus right now.

For now, I'm just enjoying this new beauty, catching up on some old video games (hello Skyrim!), journaling here and there, and trying to eat healthier. 

"When you compare the sorrows of real life to the pleasures of the imaginary one, you will never want to live again, only to dream forever." 

-Alexander Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo 

Goodbye, 2015

2015 is officially over (has been for a few days!), and 2016 has begun. I couldn't really think of something to post about, except to say goodbye.

This was a very strange year for me, yet also a great many new things happened to me that I feel shaped me greatly as a person. I feel like I really "grew up" this year, in some ways, despite kicking and screaming the whole way. Maybe 24 is a bit late to be growing up, so to speak, but I haven't really been able to get out on my own to figure out adulthood until this year. I've made and lost some friends, learned a great many things, and as I was reflecting, I thought maybe I should write some of my accomplishments down for me to look back on later. So, 2015, here we go!

1. I moved! I've lived with my parents my whole life, and this year I took a big leap and moved quite far away from them. They weren't exactly happy, but I knew I needed to do it. I don't regret my decision. It was so hard, and I was homesick for about four months and cried myself to sleep a lot. But it was something I needed to do. You know when you can just feel that moment, and you know if you don't do it then, you'll just be twiddling your thumbs forever waiting for it to happen? Yeah, that was me. And I did it, and I'm so proud of myself.

2. I bought my very first couch. It's leather, and the cats have already ruined it, but it's my first couch and I'm quite proud of it.

3. I kept up with this blog, though I did take some small breaks here and there. I have such a hard time sticking with things, mostly because my perfectionist self gets fed up and deletes everything because it isn't good enough. I've been forcing myself not to do that this time, and to just keep working and improving slowly. I'm glad I stuck with you!

4. I got a job and have kept it for longer than three months, a first for me.

5. I realized that Brooklyn may not be the home my heart wants, but it's a great place to find myself for a bit. I know I don't want to be there for very long, but it's suiting my needs just fine right now.

6. I got back into a new college and am trying hard to graduate at a decent pace that doesn't make me feel like a failure. You'll get there, girl.

7. I've been making an effort to learn how to let things go. It's always bothered me to not know everything, but that tends to put more stress and tension on myself and others than necessary. I've been learning to step back and just be quiet sometimes, and I think I made great progress last year. Let's keep the trend going.

What was your accomplishment that you're most proud of last year?


Photo from Texturepalace