Picture Day Diary

I felt very alone when I first moved to New York. Even though I moved with my best friend and another friend of mine, I still felt...rather lonely. I lived off of saved money for a bit, just getting used to such a big change - going from a small town to an enormous metropolis was very daunting! My friends got jobs rather quickly, and it took me a while to find one. I focused so much on school back home that I had so little experience, something employers in New York find undesirable.

So, yes, I felt quite lonely at first. My friends worked almost constantly while I watched our cat. I got to go out every now and then, usually to a movie, but mostly my outside interaction was just me walking around my neighborhood. It's a bit ugly, I must say - there are a lot of ugly buildings and empty lots and rusty fences. Our little avenue felt very lacking of something, and as spring rolled around I realized what that was - trees. I was so used to seeing an abundance of trees and other nature back home that I almost took it for granted. I miss trees outside of my window. 

Recently, however, I snagged a job. While I was very apprehensive about a job, as I know many people hate their jobs and it drains them, I ended up really enjoying mine.

Everyone that works there is so nice and approachable. They welcomed me quite easily, and I fit in very quickly. It felt really great to actually begin to make new friends, something that was also contributing to my loneliness. I'd never had that many friends back home to begin with, but I felt like I wouldn't make any new friends in New York. My job has opened up a lot for me, and is slowly washing away that loneliness. I can feel myself opening up again, becoming more outgoing and adventurous. It's doing wonders for me, and I'm also finally making enough money for both rent and extra pocket money that I can spend on things I want/need. I especially can't wait to splurge on some new makeup!

I feel like I'm becoming part of some small community and enjoying myself once again. For someone who's struggled(ing) with depression and anxiety, this is pretty huge for me. I was so afraid of rejection that I failed to really put myself out there. Now that I have, and I'm seeing the results of it, I'm so happy that I did. 

Now, if only I can stop being so anxious about school...